Sent from Seventh Deep

Learning oneself is enlightening, and knowing who we really are gives us a peace of mind.

Of late, i often go thorugh the web, taking different tests that can help me get to know myself better. I went through IQ tests, personality tests even just any stupid tests just to see if it fits what i feel about myself. Some are rather accurate like personality tests by mypersonality.info. Some are just plain wrong because the tests are not comprehensive in testings (like colour test, where we simply pick colour which come across our mind).

One test that is enlightening to me is the personality disorder test, albeit doing it just for fun. I found out that i have Schizoid Personality Disorder. I went through the desription in wikipedia, and I find that I understand it well. Although I am not of the extreme cases depicted in the examples, The description is nevertheless mostly true about me.

I’m lazy and lack the will to do labourious work. I don’t compete with other (even in games; i don’t play DotA against human player, i play the sims and simcity etc). I play by the rules and rarely breaks them (when i sit in the car next to the driver i always wear the seat belt no matter the trip length, how straight is that?). And finally, the key characteristics of a schizoid, i don’t have emotional attachment.

I laughed at people who dates, seeing them as serious in something as unsure as the weather. I see premarital loves as nothing more than a word, a word that is easily broken with another word. The only connection that i see are permanent (or at least semi-permanent) and sure are familial relationship and postmarital attachment. There is some truth behind this philosophy, and i believe that this philosophy guides a happy and carefree life. Dating? It only adds to your responsibility when there is actually no moral, religious or societal obligations. The responsibility attended only answers to the emotional need, the feeling of longing and belonging. The love, when it does not last, it usually ends bitterly. I see people broken and despaired over nothing more than a simple feeling. I see people messed their life over this unreal connection.

I don’t exactly fear the emotional attachment, since fear for me is just another feeling that is unjustifiable unless the risk is proven. I just don’t find that emotional attachment is, well, unjustifiable as any other feelings. The happiness that comes with the package is of course irresistible, but the feeling of lost when it breaks is usually much more hurtful, as much as i have observed. People with the attachment commonly barely able to let go and usually will never be able to learn to. For me, its just pointless.

But then again, when i ponder further after my self-discovery, i find that emotional attachment is part of human being. It is part of the chemistry in our brain - in a human brain - that ensures the survival the species over thousands of years of existence. It is there to make sure that life during marriage lasts.

Still my philosophy is not entirely wrong. Premarital love nevertheless is still unreal. The responsibility that comes with it not related to, as i said earlier, moral, societal or religious obligations. It is simply to satisfy the emotional need, and we should keep in mind that we should not let our heart goes over our head. But, my philosophy stands to be corrected. The emotional attachment vis a vis marriage attachment is important, as to keep spouses together, giving them more meanings in their relationships, where although the three abovestated obligations are important, the simple feeling of satisfaction and happiness is also the key purpose of love. Now, I see that love is justifiable, just like fear that is justifiable when we are trapped in a cage full of lion.

Am I devastated when I found out that I am a schizoid?

No.

Am I content with who am I right now?

Not exactly.

Am I going to keep on living a schizoid?

Possibly.

Am I going to find a treatment?

Yes.

I do not want people to see me different. I do not want my wife (of course in the future) to be unhappy. I do not want my emotional coldness destroys my children’s life.

I’m going to live my life just like any other people. I’m going to relate with other people just like any other people. I’m going to feel the long lost feeling of genuine happiness and love, just like any other people.

It hurts when people wins and it will make you stronger. But it hurts more when people wins by cheating since it will make you weaker.

Being a student in my university is challenging. Not academically, but ethically. You are in a race, where people play dirty, and usually the referees turns a blind eye to them. I might not be the most hardworking student in my class, but i do hope that when i do strive to get something, i’m recognised for it.

I do not blame the lecturers for not attending to the issue. I believe they are already tired of fighting a losing war. I can still see the broken heart in my lecturers’ face, but i also see despair in them. However, I still hope that they will work something out, and really work on it to address this epidemic issue. I can say that more than 3/4 of my class are dishonest in their tests (thankfully, they don’t do so in final exams).

This problem not only breaks lecturers’ heart, but breaks those who are honest too. They put those who are true to the rule of fair game on edge, wether to jump and dive for the excellence by unspeakable way, or stay strong to their principle and become average compared to their competition. I managed to stay strong, but it still hurts me deep inside. I cannot blame those who failed staying strong, we’re living in a world where marks on paper is more important than honesty your heart.

At first, i don’t mind them cheating, since i thought it simply hurts only me. The issue has been persistent way back in my second semester. Somehow, lately, when i look into my lecturers’ face, i realize they are angry, but they are also speechless, due to the number of those who are dishonest. I myself become angry with it.

Suddenly, one of my lecturers stands against the issue rather relentlessly, and i’m thankful for it. I’m now on her side, and will advocate this issue to all my lecturers. I’m going to rally them to fight this issue openly and aggressively. Yes, people will think that this is for my own sake. I cannot exclude that possibility. But nevertheless, i believe my aim is for justice and honesty.

The game has been long played unfair. It’s time to shift the paradigm and bring justice to the surface.

Edited:

This is something I obtained from wikipedia, and it somehow explains why Malaysian graduate mostly are not marketable. One can see how cheating impacts not exclusively to the academic circle only, but also to the industry.

Effects

Cheating in academia has a host of effects on students, on teachers, on individual schools, and on the educational system itself.

For instance, students who engage in neutralization to justify cheating, even once, are more likely to engage in cheating in the future, potentially putting them on a road to a life of dishonesty.^[51] Indeed, one study found that students who are dishonest in class are more likely to engage in fraud and theft on the job when they enter the workplace.^[52] Students are also negatively affected by academic dishonesty after graduation. A university diploma is an important document in the labor market. Potential employers use a degree as a representation of a graduate’s knowledge and ability. However, due to academic dishonesty, not all graduates with the same grades actually did the same work or have the same skills. Thus, when faced with the fact that they do not know which graduates are skilled and which are the “lemons” (see The Market for Lemons), employers must pay all graduates based on the quality of the average graduate. Therefore, the more students who cheat, getting by without achieving the required skills or learning, the lower the quality of the average graduate of a school, and thus the less employers are willing to pay a new hire from that school. Because of this reason, all students, even those that do not cheat themselves, are negatively affected by academic misconduct.

Academic dishonesty also creates problems for teachers. In economic terms, cheating causes an underproduction of knowledge, where the professor’s job is to produce knowledge.^[53] Moreover, a case of cheating often will cause emotional distress to faculty members, many considering it to be a personal slight against them or a violation of their trust. Dealing with academic misconduct is often one of the worst parts of a career in education, one survey claiming that 77% of academics agreed with the statement “dealing with a cheating student is one of the most onerous aspects of the job.”^[54]

Academic misconduct can also have an effect on a college’s reputation, one of the most important assets of any school. An institution plagued by cheating scandals may become less attractive to potential donors and students and especially prospective employers. Alternately, schools with low levels of academic dishonesty can use their reputation to attract students and employers.

Ultimately, academic dishonesty undermines the academic world. It interferes with the basic mission of education, the transfer of knowledge, by allowing students to get by without having to master the knowledge.^[55] Furthermore, academic dishonesty creates an atmosphere that is not conducive to the learning process, which affects honest students as well.^[56] When honest students see cheaters escape detection, it can discourage student morale, as they see the rewards for their work cheapened. Cheating also undermines academia when students steal ideas. Ideas are a professional author’s “capital and identity”, and if a person’s ideas are stolen it retards the pursuit of knowledge.^[57]

51. ^ Smith, Davy, and Easterling, 66.
52. ^ Sarath Nonis and Cathy Owens Swift, “An Examination of the Relationship between Academic Dishonesty and Workplace Dishonesty”, Journal of Business Education 77, no. 2, (November-December 2001), 69-77.
53. ^ Bunn, Caudill, and Gropper, 199.
54. ^ ^{a b} Whitley and Keith-Spiegel, 11.
55. ^ Whitley and Keith-Spiegel, 5.
56. ^ Bowers, 2.
57. ^ Thomas Mallon, Stolen Words (San Diego: Harcourt, 2001), 4.

I’ve been reading a lot about parenting and i would love to discuss them here. My greatest concern is about television and children.

It hits me in the head when i read “Endangered Minds” by pro. M. Healy. Her evidence, although not totally scientific, is very disturbing. Everyone was once a child. And i was among those who are the victim of television. I remembered sitting in front of the tv doing nothing, literally. I don’t even remember thinking about what the show was about although the show was interesting such as cartoon. I would go into tantrum if the tv was turned off and the tantrum would go for hours until my either parents scolds me. I was lucky to have those kind of parents (else, i don’t know what would happen to me if they just let me be). I also noticed that, just like what prof m. healy hypothesized, i was good at mathematics and sciences, but was very bad with language (nevertheless, i still managed to get enough a’s in my SPM - equivalent to O level). I didn’t have persistence, and i had no interest in written material. When i read books, i would only look at the pictures.
Luckily, i was sent to a boarding school and my tv hours almost diminished to 2 hours per week. However, the damage was already done. I still lacked persistence and concentration, and i was always hasty and restless. My homework were usually not done (and it still a habit until now in the university) to the end unless the teacher was very strict.

I believe that when i have a family in the future, my tv set will not be connected to tv services. It will only be connected to a DVD player (or Blu-Ray Disc for that matter) and possibly a game system which i will only allow strategy game, or rpg games with heavy storyline like Final Fantasy series. A hint of blind hack n slash, shallow shooting games, or trial and error puzzle games, i will throw the disc away.

I just realized  that OTHER PEOPLE CAN’T SEND THEIR POST IN OTHERS’ WEBLOGS!!!!!! Duh… By the way i just thought of this. Why don’t we put comments as a post? So here, if anything you want to put into my weblog, use this blog. Post comment here!!!! Quick!!!

This way please…

This is a place where you confess… involuntarily

This is a place where you cry… and ignored

This is a  place where you groan and moan… and being undeard

This is a place where you…

Sent posts about me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Welcome to my page… ignore the 4 first line, just to make some ‘intro.’ Well, i don’t really see what should i do with this blog so i just (and you may) put craps and maybe some news/stories/updates about me… feel free to look around (if there is anything to be viewed) and post comments and things that may make this blog a better place to visit… TQ